EASTENDERS

Sometimes as a soap viewer, you're called upon to suspend your disbelief for the greater good. So we're pleased that EastEnders ripped off the big Cindy Beale plaster in one go a few months back, with an episode full of exposition about her missing years which basically reset the Beale family ready for a new run of dramas.

In fact, her return from the dead now feels more believable than the honking great coincidence that Cindy's secret family (ex-partner George and their daughters Gina and Anna) from her witness protection life are now living some ten yards from Cindy's old house in Walford.

But if it weren't for coincidences, 50 per cent of soap plots would fall at the first hurdle.

This week, Cindy's comeback kicks off in earnest as we head to France (looking suspiciously like a Hertfordshire rental with a couple of baguettes and a bottle of Le Piat d'Or plonked on the side. BBC budgets ain't what they used to be).

Cindy's son Peter intercepts a text to her from Anna, leaving his dad Ian forced to spill the beans on Cindy's other family – and the sisters Peter's never met.

Peter was last seen skipping town with the contents of the Beale business accounts, so is hardly flavour of the month with half-brother Bobby

Faster than you can say 'a single to London please', Peter's on the Eurostar. He'd better hope for a warm welcome from his new family, as he doesn't get it from the one he already has.

Peter was last seen skipping town with the contents of the Beale business accounts, so is hardly flavour of the month with half-brother Bobby or his Uncle Ben, who's soon squaring up to him.

But Peter has more to worry him when he spots the attraction between his new sister Anna and Bobby.

They're not blood related (Bobby's mum was Laura Beale, Ian's third wife), but Peter's out to stop any sibling revelry. Meanwhile, the real fun starts when Cindy gets wind of her son's trip…

Elsewhere this week, soap's most obvious stalker, teacher Theo, is now targeting Eve, convinced that she is the obstacle to him winning Stacey's love – when, in fact, he's just creepy and Stace would rather do double maths every day than take lessons in love from him.

DYNASTY CATFIGHT

Gillian Taylforth (Kathy) has filmed heated scenes with her nemesis Michelle Collins (Cindy). 'It reminds me of the Dynasty days,' laughs Gillian. 'If there was a pool we'd have been in it!'

CORONATION STREET

Troubled Ryan has been hiding away, and it's a shame he didn't use some of that time to tune in to EastEnders. Maybe he would have learned a lesson in the perils of online pay-per-view modelling, and not headed down the dark path he does this week.

With the likes and comments on his fitness posts lifting his self-esteem, which has been at rock-bottom since his scarring in the acid attack, Ryan finds himself tempted when an offer comes in to provide more... erm... private pictures, especially with Carla and Peter strapped for cash.

As Ryan's trousers drop, his bank balance rises and subscribers come flooding in. But for every crop of positive comments comes a negative one. This, combined with the effects of his steroid abuse, sees him go off the deep end at Carla. Will she twig that he's got deeper troubles than she realised? We can but hope so.

Elsewhere, the atmosphere between George and Todd is chillier than Shuttleworth mortuary, after George's young protege jumps ship to rival company RestEasy. Is their friendship really six feet under?

As Ryan's trousers drop, his bank balance rises and subscribers come flooding in. But for every crop of positive comments comes a negative one. This, combined with the effects of his steroid abuse, sees him go off the deep end (pictured) at Carla

Bethany's on her way back home

Poor Sarah Platt has had a tough year, but at least there's good news on the horizon with rumours that her daughter Bethany is to return to the Street.

Lucy Fallon played the character for five years before quitting the soap in 2020, and is reported to be returning to filming later this year. Lucy's certainly had her hands full during her time away – she gave birth to a son, Sonny Jude, earlier this year.

EMMERDALE

Mack and Charity can't resist each other

Call me a soap cynic, but I had a feeling it wasn't all over for Mack and Charity. While Caleb and Charity getting it on was intriguing (and not just because they're cousins, that's practically a requirement of entry for the Dingle family), their romance felt like a misdirection before we got to the main event.

This week, we're finally on the starting blocks, as Mack and Charity have an afternoon romp.

I mean, we know Charity has just saved the day at little Reuben's christening by offering the Woolie for the reception, but there's saying 'thank you', Mack, and there's saying 'THANK YOU!' As Mack scurries off in a state of confusion, Charity feels a reunion is on the cards. Mack was fortunate to get away unscathed from spurning Charity once but we very much doubt he'll be so lucky a second time…

This week, we're finally on the starting blocks, as Mack and Charity have an afternoon romp (pictured)

Elsewhere, Rhona is fed up with everyone blithering and sets up a 'face your fears' day, where Marlon, Mary and Paddy confront the matters daunting them. Let's hope this isn't a regular thing. If everyone in soap started to face up to their problems, we'd have wound up the plots by Tuesday of most weeks.